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Liocer by ~RenagadeBlue16:iconRenagadeBlue16:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Fixed




Liocer

My thoughts are now furnished;
my mind is now made;
it’s time to continue,
this life escapade.
For all that you’ve shown me,
you now hold me back,
teaching and keeping me
slightly off track,
till I can’t see the stars,
or the sky of the sun,
and see only one thing
with you as the one.
Time won’t heal all
these wounds cut by you.
I’ll just deal then,
and walk the rain through.
For all your rejections
now have just set me free,
and soon you’ll be wishing
you’d not lost out on me.
©2004-2009 ~RenagadeBlue16
Details
Submitted: April 30, 2004
File Size: 741 bytes
Image Size: 24.1 KB
Resolution: 300×250
Comments: 5
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Author's Comments

yea... liocer is something spelled backwards
ill let you figure that one out

this one wasnt actually about anything
just a corillation of lots of feelings about lots of people
thats why i think it turned out a little weak

but whatever...
i like it
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Comments


~Tiger--eyes:iconTiger--eyes: Apr 30, 2004, 5:19:51 PM
"or the sky of the sun, " maybe OR the sun?

This one's kind of sad, but more defiant near the end. Very well done.

--
I'm a poet. Take a look: [link]
Member of ~scrawled
The less real I am to you, the more perfect you can make me.
~RenagadeBlue16:iconRenagadeBlue16: Apr 30, 2004, 7:08:38 PM
thanks
yea, its supposed to be OF
i like that better, i dunno my
a bit renagadgenous... hahaha

--
~perception cloaks truth~

Appearance is nothing.
Inside's what you got.
Live on the renagades
for ever 'till not.
~Tiger--eyes:iconTiger--eyes: Apr 30, 2004, 7:50:18 PM
LOL

--
I'm a poet. Take a look: [link]
Member of ~scrawled
The less real I am to you, the more perfect you can make me.
~Marcaisa:iconMarcaisa: Jul 22, 2004, 3:45:02 AM
I like this one. About the part ;
"For all your rejections
now have just set me free,
and soon you’ll be wishing
you’d not lost out on me. "
it's really strong. But maybe it would flow better if it ran;
For all of your rejections
now have set me free,
And soon you will be wishing
You'd not lost out on me.

It's just a suggestion. Great work! :worship:

--
It's not a promise 'til it's scrawled in ink.
I'm moving! My new account is ~line-in-the-sand; hope to see you there! :D
~RenagadeBlue16:iconRenagadeBlue16: Jul 22, 2004, 9:55:06 AM
yea that part of it really made me angry
i couldnt find a way to make it read right
i considered what you suggested a long time ago (this is an old poem) but i decided to keep the just in there, cause while neither sounded right to me, it seemed more logical to have and extra syllable in there that you just read fast
as opposed to having a lack, so theres and inconvenient pause
but maybe it work without the just
i just never could get it to sound right to me
and i was really dissapointed cause that last line's supposed to be really powerful
oh well
theres always next time

thank you so much for the suggestion though
and by the way, way to suggest stuff already!
youve earned my respect
keep it up!

thanks again!
~DAn

--
~perception cloaks truth~

Appearance is nothing.
Inside's what you got.
Live on the renagades
for ever 'till not.
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